5 shorts – No 5

Day beyond days

18c - 1 (1)

Tuesdays are awful. A could say it is in air, bur that is me blowin hot & cold again. It isnir a general feelin. A think prehaps its a ritual low A´ve got used to. I expect it, wir more apathy than dread.  A stub me foor on me bulky bust-up alarm clock, justice a guess for me flingin it te floor earlier. These old cheap black box-sized ones ar so tough, they dinie bounce just thud. So am up & slowly gerrin ready. O’course razor is on blink. Not sure if a forgot te charge it or just didnie remind mesen. Ave to use scissors again. The’ll be lyin somewhere on floor.

Bathroom mirror needs a clean, huh! a did me chores at weekend, dust collects like moths round a night light ere. A trim me beard for an age, then I grind me teeth to clean. Scratch me bollocks & rummage for a semi-stinky shirt in laundry basket, sniff it, it’ll do. Splash me face wie water, flannel my pits, deodorant-shower, an slap some after-shave on.

Tuesdays a usually skip breakfast, as a denie ave time. It´s probably that a so often aven´t ad it, that tha inclination as left. A grab a coffee on tha way t work instead. Tha minty taste as left & a can replace it wie cheap bitter over priced Costa Express crap from the garage. Pahaps this Tuesday thing is a bloody pathetic fallacy. Which gets me to wonderin does it work wie days & seasons or just weather. A drop by tha newsagents, the papers are full of the latest victims of show bizz sneers an casualties so I buy a mini-can o Relentless instead.

At the bus stop everybairn is somewer else, Snap Chatting whilst gigglin away, tryin to absorb tha goss, doin their make-up, checking tha time, looking at tha schedule or just yawnin away. Alf of em a know from ere, same routine as everyday. A could tell ya their names bur niemore. An thar is only cause we now answer tha phone with a Hi & a name, nie longer ae number like older generation. Bus is full of screamin whinies & teenies, on  way t college, or some uver educational disestablishment. Even my ipod cannie drown out the carcophony. A should buy a car, bur the monotony of the trudge from foot t tube t bus t work is kinda fittin. Tha public transport placard suggests a refresh (my) daily commute wie some new fad for an energy drink. Do ya remember the Heinken promise refreshs the parts other beers can not reach?! When a was a student after a six pack it certainly refreshed me farts. Looks like the normal louts ave subjected tha back seat infront o me t their chewin gum duds. Better than me sitting on it a guess, especially as am clean out of that stain devil shit. Why is it chewin gum companies have not roped in Alex Ferguson to promote their crap?! Tha guy is always gnawin away on it durin a squeaky-bum game.

A fade Tindersticks out as a get a call from me pull last night. Listenin to er voice am kinda driftin in & out of er conversation. Did a really just agree to a date on Saturday?! Oh well she ain´t all that but she keeps me amused at weekends.

A get to dull an dullers, my weekly white-collar grind. Bubbly Carli, ar office maid, is oovering & chattin away t all by standers, as we clock in. Yes, our anals of administation ave decided this is an effective system t keep track of tha ours ya put int this drudgery. So now the start of our day is not accompanied by another clock-in card Ka Ching more a click o tha mouse. I keep tellin em tha this job is only temporary until a find me feet an everything is sweet. A peer through tha thick jam-jar bottom glass door, wantin nor t be caught by tha line manager. He gleems wir a preened aura o non authority. An is cereal box sayins arenie wor a want for start of ma workin day. So a get through door, an am hit by tha rings, cacklin & carefully phrased cutomer care, until a get to my work station. There are aphazard post-it-note jottings from yesterdays unresolved channelins. No sooner am a down than my and set rings. A let it ring a dozen times knowin it is enough for tha caller t contemplate givin up or start to become annoyed. I address er with an apology for the delay & tha worth of her custom to us: I continue this speil until noon.

©2015 – Stewart Tunnicliff