5 shorts – No 1

18b - 1 (5)


Shorts -using a varied Midlands accented text from mild to strong, best read aloud


As with Steve a left inside jacket breast pocket is where I keep my baccie, so I can roll with both hands and smoke with my right. In the other pocket is my wallet, coz I like to whip out my fivers. I flit between all sorts of regular cigs, Malboros;v Lamberts, Bensons, Supers, and Silks if I am desperate or scabbing one. I always go back to my trusty pack though; Embassy No  1s. Ave tried Death cigs, strong but not as harsh as unfiltered Gitanes. “Filtered for a refined smoke”. Café Cremes for tin cigars coz they are light and look good in one of these posh cig cases. On New Years Eve I always want a fat thick Cuban cigar to get my hands round, Mexican gangster head honcho style.
Ma Uncle says that: “If ya smork too much ya lungs ger t look like an empty baccie pouch”. Battered like, black and tan.

In ‘94 the ones I rolled and smoked most were Old Holburns, and I went on to
Amber Leaf and that new Swan stuff. Back when students had a nice wad of loan money, and cigs were not taxed to the highs.Mid 90s the rolling baccie came in silver lined packets, Walkers crisp style, to keep the baccie fresh. I would have liked a Zippo for my twenty first, but my
folks did not want to encourage me. This one I got I pilfered from my local pub table. A smoker has his own style, rollin is a very personal thing. I developed this
through trail and error, checkin out other smokers and how they did it. The pouch I take out of my pocket feels like petrified plastic, smooth but like a cheapo
shell-suit. If you have one of them leather look jobs you can do a quick flashy unzip. With good rollin papers, a piece of thin cardboard tells you when ya nearly out,
down to your last five. The card makes a good roach filter and all. Uncle Iain said: “wiv cardboard lungs ya gonna be opened up by a surgeons blade, an ave insides
like a stuffed hoover bag”.Rollin a tight fag is the hardest thing to master, you either get thin jobbies or someat like Tampons. At college I would spark up with cheapo Bic lighters, and either singe me eyebrows or get a tiddler of a flame. Best bit is inhaling that first drag, the nicotine rush as a new smoker, or the taste when you’re a refined regular. When I smoked the hard cigs or exotic rollin tabacca I would mix it with takin a dab of snuff up the snooter and get a dizzy head rush. Take my time and watch my ciggie slowly crumple to ash. Iain said:“ya’ll be ashes quicker when you smork son”. He should know, he had a bad bout of Bronchitis and gave up smoking in ’84. For me going to Uni and smoking was just another way of defying ma family. I guess this is the only thing me and Steve share. Though he is a wuss, has given up for ages for health reasons. He was spittin up blood, but that is the kickback. Me I still like the look, and feel. You know like a real English Gent. Tha feelins like kickin back in me slippers, in front of the log fire, with a brandy in one hand and a good book in the other.

©2015 – Stewart Tunnicliff

digital manipulated image courtesy of Ralf Messmann

Read on with No 2 Erstwhile Companions…